


Stay

by Smokedcapybara



Series: (Apprentice) Park Ranger Handsome [6]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 22:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17434472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokedcapybara/pseuds/Smokedcapybara
Summary: Connor was in a Mood.It had started when he woke up - or maybe even before - and just kept building. Every little thing adding to the pile-up in his head.





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> warning: this one's got Angst and a fair amount less fluff than, like, everything that came before it, sorry. also there are some harsh insults thrown like 'freak' and 'pathetic' so yeah  
> (if you can't tell, I have no idea what I'm doing)

Connor was in a Mood.

It had started when he woke up - or maybe even before - and just kept building. Every little thing adding to the pile-up in his head.

Part of him hoped it’d just go away when he talked to Hansen. That had worked in the past. Another part of him figured it wouldn’t and he’d end up blowing up at his only friend and driving him away and wouldn’t that be just _typical. Connor Murphy, the boy who can’t even keep a single friend for more than a few weeks._

So when Hansen arrived with a smile and the feeling didn’t automatically wash away, he tried desperately to shove it down. He could not ruin this.

Hansen’s smile faltered when Connor didn’t respond in kind and it just added to the angry everything crowding his brain. He attempted a smile but he knew it didn’t come out right.

When Hansen sat on the other end of their log instead of right next to him he wanted to lash out. He tried again to pull it in.

“Is-is-a-a-are you ok?”

“Of course I’m ok, why wouldn’t I be?” He snapped.

Flinching, Hansen began stuttering senselessly.

Connor felt something break in his chest and suddenly he was exploding. It was like someone else was controlling his body.

“Can you just talk like a normal person for once?! All your stammering is so annoying! Just get to the point! I get it, I look like a freak! Well you’re the freak! With your weird obsession with trees and your endless fidgeting, it’s no wonder you had to turn to some random stoner in the woods just to have one friend! It’s pathetic! That’s what you are, _pathetic_ _!_ ”

He couldn’t stop yelling. The more he said the further Hansen curled into himself and the more angry he got at himself for ruining the one good thing he had and the harder it got to stop the words from spilling out and he just wanted it all to _stop_.

He was standing in front of Hansen, flinging his arms wildly while he shouted as loud as he could, when he saw the tears streaming down his friends face. He felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on his head, dousing the all-consuming fire that had been bursting from him moments before.

He sat right where he’d been standing. Hiding his face in his arms, he tangled his fingers in his hair and tugged hard enough to hurt.

“I didn’t mean any of that,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

His eyes burned and his vision blurred, he felt a different kind of pressure in his chest right before he started sobbing. All he could do was repeat “I’m sorry” between heaving breaths again and again as he squeezed his eyes shut.

He didn’t know how long he sat curled up on the ground before he felt a tentative hand on his back. When he didn’t flinch away or snap again the hand flattened against his back and started rubbing gentle circles.

Several minutes later, when the sobs died down and he managed to blink the tears out of his eyes, he found himself being pulled into a hug. His forehead was nestled in the space between Hansen’s neck and shoulder with an arm wrapped around his shoulders and another one around his waist.

He was sitting between Hansen’s legs, pressed up against his chest, and he couldn’t even find it in himself to blush. He felt too emotionally drained. And confused.

“Why are you still here? Don’t you hate me now?” His voice was hoarse and weak. It wavered through the words and broke toward the end.

The arms around him tightened and Hansen’s voice floated down to him, gentle and sad.

“I told you, you won’t drive me away.”

Connor felt the tears return at the conviction in his words. Hansen waited for his crying to slow again before he resumed speaking softly.

“I have Bad Days sometimes. Where I’m just upset and I don’t know why and everything just makes it worse until I break. Of course, mine is usually with my anxiety, and it seems like that’s not what it is for you, though I could be wrong.” he paused, “is the talking too much for you cause I can just shut up if it is.”

Connor took a moment to think about that, his fingernails digging into his palms. Was Hansen talking making things worse or better or _what?_ He couldn’t tell so he gave Hansen a tight shrug.

“What do you need that I can do?”

There was only one thing Connor could be sure of through the wreckage left by the whirlwind that had taken over his brain. He didn’t want Hansen to leave.

“Stay?”

The word came out quiet and only a little hoarse.

“I can do that.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Hansen gently moved them back onto their log, leaning against the tree.

Slowly he wrapped his arms around Hansen and pulled himself closer into the comfort of his friend’s embrace. Then one of Hansen’s hands was running through his hair and any lingering tension melted out of him.

Somehow he’d managed to not completely screw this up.

Hansen was still there.

For whatever reason, Hansen had actually stayed. He wasn’t going to leave.

“Thank you.” Connor whispered into the tiny space between them.

The hand in his hair paused. “For what?”

“For staying, even though I hurt you.”

Hansen’s head turned and pressed against the top of Connor’s. He closed his eyes tightly and let himself imagine for a second that it was a kiss. Hansen shifted his head again before he spoke.

“You apologized.”

“It’ll happen again.”

“I know.”

Connor felt himself begin trembling. Or maybe he’d been trembling and only just noticed. He wasn’t sure.

“I don’t understand.” His voice broke again.

Hansen shrugged. “You’re my friend. I lo-I care about you.”

Connor didn’t know how he was supposed to respond. He’d never had someone continue caring like this after one of his explosions.

“Thanks.” He said again.

“Don’t thank me.” Connor was surprised at the force behind Hansen’s words. “Just… just stay.”

Connor smiled.

“I can do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you everyone who's been commenting on this series, I really want to respond to all your comments but I am actually very bad at words and also have social anxiety so  
> also thank you Starysky205 and fandomactsofkindness for the input on my dilemma, I've decided to kinda combine the options(something that's sorta becoming a habit with my writing tbh), so I'm definitely going to acknowledge canon events - just without the level of angst I was originally thinking  
> (and since I'm not going with my original plan I am totally gonna share it here cause I have like 0 self control. the old vaguely canon compliant plan was for Connor to get grounded for several weeks and when he finally returned Evan didn't show up and he spent the rest of summer freaked out wondering what happened to Evan and then the first day of school finds out he 'fell' out of a tree and broke his arm and couldn't continue doing Park Ranger things with a broken arm. but yeah, that's not what's gonna happen anymore, meaning more fluff for y'all)


End file.
